Deconstructing the “Deconstructionist”

I was raised as a pastor’s kid from a very young age during the 1970-80’s. I was placed in a private school and made to read and memorize the Bible. I did not enjoy being force fed religion, and I did not appreciate the “blessings” that I was being told I should want in my life. I wanted something real, but I did not see the reality of what I was being taught. I did not feel that my relationship with God was one of my own makings. Instead of it originating from my own will or desire, I felt it was simply my parent’s design meant to control me and keep me in check. Afterall, I was a pastor’s kid (PK), and I needed to understand my place and behave myself as an example to the other children in the church.

I was not aware of the term “faith deconstruction” at the time, so it must have become a more popular term after I left the church. I wanted to find out the “truth” about life on my own though. Like Jacob, I was a rebellious soul, and my Father in heaven had plans to refine me by fire. I wanted to experience the life that I saw so many other people enjoying who were my age. If everyone else was doing it, I thought there must be “truth” in it. I grew up in a home with parents who made an effort to follow God’s laws, but I was tired of trying to be good like them. I did not like being told to follow rules from people who were not perfect themselves. If everything I was being told was true, why was it so difficult to live it?

I wanted to do whatever I thought would make me happy. I brought nothing with me on this “faith deconstruction,” or more aptly named “prodigal journey,” except the knowledge and belief that there was a God, and if I died in sin, I would be separated from Him forever. Sadly enough, I did not care. After all, I did not see the reality of God in my life in the same way as the rest of my church. I have heard some people claim today who are on this path of “deconstruction” that they have separated themself from “religion” or the Church because of their desire to glean the “truth” from all the “lies” they were taught while being raised up in the Church. I was honest with myself when I left the Church. I knew exactly why I was doing it, and it wasn’t because I was on some road to spirituality.

When I left my church at 18 years old, I left it for one simple reason. I was selfish and rebellious, and I did not want to serve God. I was not trying to hide my rebellion by feigning injury, and I was not claiming to know a “truth” that was not being taught in the Body of Christ. Did I feel injured? Yes, of course. My flesh was hurt. My soul was injured. I was not going to give anyone, including Satan, the satisfaction of taking my freedom away from me by deceiving me into believing that I must leave the Church to find the real “truth.” I wanted to make up my own mind, but I was not going to claim to be a Christian and live like the heathens. If I was going to risk damnation, I was going to enjoy myself doing it. I knew I would not be able to enjoy the sinful lifestyle if I had to wear the weight of shame and guilt. I have spoken to “faith deconstructionist” who try to do that very thing.

Revelation 3:15 says, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” I knew better than being lukewarm at least. Lukewarm Christians are the worst kind because they believe they are saved when they are not. They live sinful lifestyles while telling others to be more like Christ. I was not going to point my finger at people in the Church and shout “hypocrites!” if I was going to be living as a hypocrite myself. I was a sinner, not a hypocrite. I knew I was leaving God. I was not going to claim other. I am so thankful that God’s mercy covered me and protected me while serving 10 years as a Navy SEAL. I was jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. The next 30 years found me struggling to understand my existence and purpose while trying to find happiness and satisfaction in myself while redefining who I was.

Eventually, I found myself mired in the pig pen that had become my life, and I realized I did not have the answers. I could not “construct” my own world of “truth” without including the pain, suffering, loneliness, and sadness that my selfish life had given me. I knew where I could find love and acceptance, and it wasn’t in a building formed by man’s hands. I knew I needed the Father’s unconditional love and forgiveness. I knew I needed to know my Creator, and if the only thing I received from Him was eternal life, it was enough. I returned to the Father and His love and forgiveness. That is where He started me on my journey, and ever since that moment, I have lived daily in His love seeking to know Him and nothing else.

The Father had me return to the very church I had left so many years before. He not only wanted to restore me to Himself, but He also wanted to restore me to the Body of Christ. He knew I would have to learn to forgive those who had hurt me, and to ask forgiveness of those whom I had hurt. I was able to write a book about my journey called “Prodigal to Prince.” You might call it “Old School Deconstructing.” Having grown up in the church but never wanting to be a part of it, I understand how the enemy can use pain and hurt to drive a wedge between brothers and sisters in Christ. He can even use it to cause us to falsely accuse the Father of causing pain in our life. The enemy used my unforgiveness and pain to persuade me to begin my prodigal journey.

I have learned many lessons through it all, but one important lesson stands out above the rest. I learned the importance of knowing God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit. The Father is the only One who is good, and He is the only One who has never failed me, never left me, and has always loved me perfectly. Jesus, the Son of God, is the only Way, Truth, and Life. He is the Truth I was looking for during my time of wandering the earth or “deconstructing” my life. I realized I had known about that Truth my entire life, but now I found myself wanting to “know” Him as that Truth. I learned that without the Spirit of Christ living in me, I was nothing. Without love, I was nothing. God is love, so I must know Him and He must know me. I didn’t care about man’s truth or Satan’s deceptive lies. I learned that I had to have an intimate relationship with my Father in heaven through the Son while being filled with His spirit. This was the reality of God that I had been looking for in the earth, and I had been much closer to it before in my life than I had ever realized.

Satan wanted me to believe there was another more important truth out there that I needed to find, but he was simply trying to use my pride to trick me away from the Father’s love. The Father will always be there for us if we only surrender ourselves completely to Him. The rest of my journey is not only between me and the Father, but it is also between me and all of His other children, my brothers and sisters in Christ. If you are trying to “deconstruct” your life, try going straight to the source as I finally did. Don’t waste your time looking for man’s “truth” that doesn’t exist or is only a lie in your head from Satan, the father of all lies. If you are a Prodigal Child like I was, I hope this helps you find your way home. If you are not ready to hear this call because the “deconstructing” going on in your head overwhelms your senses, I pray for peace for you that you might be able to come to your senses as the Prodigal Son did in the parable in the scriptures. I hope you find a way back into the Father’s arms as I did, so one day, I might be able to hear your own story of how the Father called you back to the family.

You can read more about this and other truths by obtaining a copy of “Prodigal to Prince” by Beau Walsh at BarnesandNoble.com or Amazon.com.